Dinner and a recital in Boston tonight!
Gordon College Symphony Orchestra concert tomorrow!
Saturday, February 28, 2004
Thursday, February 26, 2004
Calvinism
From Janna's blog a few days ago:
Calvin, our Leader and Friend
I kind of have this Calvinist war going on with this mean violinist who's doctrinist. I mean, I guess I'm doctrinist too, but I'm RIGHT. So, to fuel the flames, I've decided the following things:
-my firstborn will be named Calvin (if male) and Calvina (if female- or maybe Calvinette- or maybe Cauvina or Jeana- or Gèneve- there're a lot of options)
-I'm going to try to write an editorial for my school newspaper in which I decisively prove that Calvinism and capitalism are absolute goods and inextricably co-dependent
-I'm going to develop some sort of clever sticker or stencil with a tulip on it and subversively spray it all over campus à la Twelve Monkeys (focusing on the area around a certain dorm and the music building)
-I'm will hire my handy-dandy Bible major (code-name: JoJo) to develop some Calvinist tracts which I will cleverly distribute by stuffing them in copies of praise CDs in the bookstore, and in Veggie Tales tapes
-I'm going to start an aggressive new campus ministry which kidnaps and reprograms Arminians via cult-breaking techniques (TULIP: Totally United in Liberating Ignorant Pseudo-Christians)
-I shall coerce my small but dedicated group of music major friends (hmm: note to self- make some music major friends who are not violently opposed to Calvinism) to write new, appropriately Reformed lyrics to the idiotic praise songs sung in chapel and get my smart compsci hacker friends to insert the new lyrics on the chapel overheads
¡Viva la revolución calvinista! ¡Muerte a los oppresores del Reform!
Comrades, if you have further ideas on how to further our great cause, please allow our God to predestine your click on the comments link. Persevere, Saints, persevere!
And my comments:
I CHOSE to click the comments button.
Yes, name your first son Calvin. Everyone will think you're naming him after Calvin a la Calvin and Hobbes, and he'll probably start behaving like that Calvin, too, and then you'll be sorry. I, meanwhile, will have named my charming, well-behaved firstborn son Jacob.
Yeah, write an editorial for the Tartan too. Cool. Since we all know it's the stupidest paper in the WORLD. Please, be my guest and add to the stupidity with a Calvinism-and-Capitalism-are-absolute-goods-and-inextricably-co-dependent article. And in keeping with the current trends in headlines, why don't you go ahead and call it, "Just Because You're a Capitalist DOES mean you should be a Calvinist." I'll read it, and I'll spend Spring Break sitting here thinking of a brilliant and devastatingly witty reply to smash to smithereens any arguments you may have weakly presented.
Oh, you're just doing the tulip stickers/stencils as a cheap version of my friends who carved tulips into all their furniture. If you're not committed enough to carve tulips into all your furniture and all of school property and pay the fines later, you must not really believe this Calvinism doctrine.
Fine, put your evil-determinist-propaganda tracts into praise CD covers in the bookstore. Only losers listen to that kind of praise music anyway... REAL Christians listen to hymns. So probably only people who are already Calvinists (and thus pseudo-Christians, obviously) will buy the CDs and see the tracts. No harm done. (Not to mention, non-Calvinists are smart enough not to be swayed by false premises and weak arguments.)
I'm stealing your new TULIP idea. It's really remarkably clever. See, it'll be even funnier when non-Calvinists have a group called TULIP. It's ironic! It's clever! It's fabulous! TULIP: Totally United in Liberating Ignorant Pseudo-Christians! That is, obviously, as much as to say... Liberating Ignorant Calvinists! Or we could even call it Totally United in Liberating Ignorant Predestinationalists... that works too.
I can't imagine Reformed lyrics to idiotic praise songs. The really idiotic ones are all more like love-songs with "Jesus" inserted instead of "Baby" anyway, and the repetition and mindlessness of it doesn't lend itself to doctrine. Anyway, you know how chapel is. Everyone would be too busy doing homework/kissing their significant other/sleeping to notice new lyrics, anyway. Nice try, though. The work of you and your Unconditionally-Elected friends shall all be for naught!
Well, I thought that was funny.
You should all go read her blog; she's always making snide remarks about me! She's ill-mannered and obnoxious, but honestly, what would you expect of someone with her theological persuasions?!
Calvin, our Leader and Friend
I kind of have this Calvinist war going on with this mean violinist who's doctrinist. I mean, I guess I'm doctrinist too, but I'm RIGHT. So, to fuel the flames, I've decided the following things:
-my firstborn will be named Calvin (if male) and Calvina (if female- or maybe Calvinette- or maybe Cauvina or Jeana- or Gèneve- there're a lot of options)
-I'm going to try to write an editorial for my school newspaper in which I decisively prove that Calvinism and capitalism are absolute goods and inextricably co-dependent
-I'm going to develop some sort of clever sticker or stencil with a tulip on it and subversively spray it all over campus à la Twelve Monkeys (focusing on the area around a certain dorm and the music building)
-I'm will hire my handy-dandy Bible major (code-name: JoJo) to develop some Calvinist tracts which I will cleverly distribute by stuffing them in copies of praise CDs in the bookstore, and in Veggie Tales tapes
-I'm going to start an aggressive new campus ministry which kidnaps and reprograms Arminians via cult-breaking techniques (TULIP: Totally United in Liberating Ignorant Pseudo-Christians)
-I shall coerce my small but dedicated group of music major friends (hmm: note to self- make some music major friends who are not violently opposed to Calvinism) to write new, appropriately Reformed lyrics to the idiotic praise songs sung in chapel and get my smart compsci hacker friends to insert the new lyrics on the chapel overheads
¡Viva la revolución calvinista! ¡Muerte a los oppresores del Reform!
Comrades, if you have further ideas on how to further our great cause, please allow our God to predestine your click on the comments link. Persevere, Saints, persevere!
And my comments:
I CHOSE to click the comments button.
Yes, name your first son Calvin. Everyone will think you're naming him after Calvin a la Calvin and Hobbes, and he'll probably start behaving like that Calvin, too, and then you'll be sorry. I, meanwhile, will have named my charming, well-behaved firstborn son Jacob.
Yeah, write an editorial for the Tartan too. Cool. Since we all know it's the stupidest paper in the WORLD. Please, be my guest and add to the stupidity with a Calvinism-and-Capitalism-are-absolute-goods-and-inextricably-co-dependent article. And in keeping with the current trends in headlines, why don't you go ahead and call it, "Just Because You're a Capitalist DOES mean you should be a Calvinist." I'll read it, and I'll spend Spring Break sitting here thinking of a brilliant and devastatingly witty reply to smash to smithereens any arguments you may have weakly presented.
Oh, you're just doing the tulip stickers/stencils as a cheap version of my friends who carved tulips into all their furniture. If you're not committed enough to carve tulips into all your furniture and all of school property and pay the fines later, you must not really believe this Calvinism doctrine.
Fine, put your evil-determinist-propaganda tracts into praise CD covers in the bookstore. Only losers listen to that kind of praise music anyway... REAL Christians listen to hymns. So probably only people who are already Calvinists (and thus pseudo-Christians, obviously) will buy the CDs and see the tracts. No harm done. (Not to mention, non-Calvinists are smart enough not to be swayed by false premises and weak arguments.)
I'm stealing your new TULIP idea. It's really remarkably clever. See, it'll be even funnier when non-Calvinists have a group called TULIP. It's ironic! It's clever! It's fabulous! TULIP: Totally United in Liberating Ignorant Pseudo-Christians! That is, obviously, as much as to say... Liberating Ignorant Calvinists! Or we could even call it Totally United in Liberating Ignorant Predestinationalists... that works too.
I can't imagine Reformed lyrics to idiotic praise songs. The really idiotic ones are all more like love-songs with "Jesus" inserted instead of "Baby" anyway, and the repetition and mindlessness of it doesn't lend itself to doctrine. Anyway, you know how chapel is. Everyone would be too busy doing homework/kissing their significant other/sleeping to notice new lyrics, anyway. Nice try, though. The work of you and your Unconditionally-Elected friends shall all be for naught!
Well, I thought that was funny.
You should all go read her blog; she's always making snide remarks about me! She's ill-mannered and obnoxious, but honestly, what would you expect of someone with her theological persuasions?!
This is funny.
Especially since my sociology professor did almost the same thing in a similar situation just a few weeks ago... except, fortunately for us all, the student didn't take him up on his offer.
Especially since my sociology professor did almost the same thing in a similar situation just a few weeks ago... except, fortunately for us all, the student didn't take him up on his offer.
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
Memento Homo
Memento homo quia pulvis es, et in pulverem reverteris.
You should all listen to Emendemus in Melius by Cristobal de Morales if you can possibly find a recording. It's a Renaissance-era bi-textual motet for the Lenten season.
I went to the Ash Wednesday service at Christ Church this evening with Story, Josiah, and Janna. It was good. It brought home to me yet again how much I need Jesus Christ as my Savior.
Almighty and everlasting God, you hate nothing you have made and forgive the sins of all who are penitent: Create and make in us new and contrite hearts, that we, worthily lamenting our sins and acknowledging our wretchedness, may obtain of you, the God of all mercy, perfect remission and forgiveness; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever.
~ Book of Common Prayer
The choir at Christ Church sang Allegri's Miserere during the imposition of ashes. It's one of my favorite pieces. In some parts, the choir sounded pretty good. In other parts they weren't so good, and once when Story and I made the mistake of catching one anothers' eyes, we kind-of-almost giggled (terrible, I know... on such a sombre occasion!) because while the plainchant parts sounded okay, and the full choir parts sounded okay, sometimes the four- and five-voice parts were a bit painful. But I forgave them, because it's such a wonderful piece and it ought to be sung in churches and I'm glad they did it.
Miserere mei, Deus,
secundum magnam misericordiam tuam;
et secundum multitudinem miserationum tuarum
dele iniquitatem meam.
Amplius lava me ab iniquitate mea,
et a peccato meo munda me.
Quoniam iniquitatem meam ego cognosco,
et peccatum meum contra me est semper.
Tibi soli peccavi
et malum coram te feci,
ut iustificeris in sermonibus tuis
et vincas cum iudicaris.
Ecce enim in iniquitatibus conceptus sum,
et in peccatis concepit me mater mea.
Ecce enim veritatem dilexisti;
incerta, et occulta sapientiae tuae
manifestasti mihi.
Asperges me hyssopo,
et mundabor;
lavabis me,
et super nivem dealbabor.
Auditui meo dabis gaudium et laetitiam'
et exultabunt ossa humiliata.
Averte faciem tuam a peccatis meis,
et omnes iniquitates meas dele.
Cor mundum crea in me, Deus,
et spiritum rectum innova in visceribus meis.
Ne proiicias me a facie tua,
et spiritum sanctum tuum ne auferas a me.
Redde mihi laetitiam salutaris tui,
et spiritu principali confirma me.
Docebo iniquos vias tuas,
et impii ad te convertentur.
Libera me de sanguinibus, Deus,
Deus salutis meae;
et exultabit lingua mea iustitiam tuam.
Domine, labia mea aperies,
et os meum annuntiabit laudem tuam.
Quoniam si voluisses sacrificium,
dedissem utique;
holocaustis non delectaberis.
Sacrificium Deo spiritus contribulatus;
cor contritum et humiliatum, Deus,
non despicies.
Benigne fac, Domine,
in bona voluntate tua Sion,
ut aedificentur muri Hierusalem.
Tunc acceptabis sacrificium iustitiae,
oblationes, et holocausta;
tunc imponent super altare tuum vitulos.
~ Psalm 51, a Psalm of David
You should all listen to Emendemus in Melius by Cristobal de Morales if you can possibly find a recording. It's a Renaissance-era bi-textual motet for the Lenten season.
I went to the Ash Wednesday service at Christ Church this evening with Story, Josiah, and Janna. It was good. It brought home to me yet again how much I need Jesus Christ as my Savior.
Almighty and everlasting God, you hate nothing you have made and forgive the sins of all who are penitent: Create and make in us new and contrite hearts, that we, worthily lamenting our sins and acknowledging our wretchedness, may obtain of you, the God of all mercy, perfect remission and forgiveness; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever.
~ Book of Common Prayer
The choir at Christ Church sang Allegri's Miserere during the imposition of ashes. It's one of my favorite pieces. In some parts, the choir sounded pretty good. In other parts they weren't so good, and once when Story and I made the mistake of catching one anothers' eyes, we kind-of-almost giggled (terrible, I know... on such a sombre occasion!) because while the plainchant parts sounded okay, and the full choir parts sounded okay, sometimes the four- and five-voice parts were a bit painful. But I forgave them, because it's such a wonderful piece and it ought to be sung in churches and I'm glad they did it.
Miserere mei, Deus,
secundum magnam misericordiam tuam;
et secundum multitudinem miserationum tuarum
dele iniquitatem meam.
Amplius lava me ab iniquitate mea,
et a peccato meo munda me.
Quoniam iniquitatem meam ego cognosco,
et peccatum meum contra me est semper.
Tibi soli peccavi
et malum coram te feci,
ut iustificeris in sermonibus tuis
et vincas cum iudicaris.
Ecce enim in iniquitatibus conceptus sum,
et in peccatis concepit me mater mea.
Ecce enim veritatem dilexisti;
incerta, et occulta sapientiae tuae
manifestasti mihi.
Asperges me hyssopo,
et mundabor;
lavabis me,
et super nivem dealbabor.
Auditui meo dabis gaudium et laetitiam'
et exultabunt ossa humiliata.
Averte faciem tuam a peccatis meis,
et omnes iniquitates meas dele.
Cor mundum crea in me, Deus,
et spiritum rectum innova in visceribus meis.
Ne proiicias me a facie tua,
et spiritum sanctum tuum ne auferas a me.
Redde mihi laetitiam salutaris tui,
et spiritu principali confirma me.
Docebo iniquos vias tuas,
et impii ad te convertentur.
Libera me de sanguinibus, Deus,
Deus salutis meae;
et exultabit lingua mea iustitiam tuam.
Domine, labia mea aperies,
et os meum annuntiabit laudem tuam.
Quoniam si voluisses sacrificium,
dedissem utique;
holocaustis non delectaberis.
Sacrificium Deo spiritus contribulatus;
cor contritum et humiliatum, Deus,
non despicies.
Benigne fac, Domine,
in bona voluntate tua Sion,
ut aedificentur muri Hierusalem.
Tunc acceptabis sacrificium iustitiae,
oblationes, et holocausta;
tunc imponent super altare tuum vitulos.
~ Psalm 51, a Psalm of David
Encouragement
"Sweetie, don't you dare even dream of being discouraged, because I am so happy with the work you've been doing."
Monday, February 23, 2004
I found some thoughts that I scribbled on paper on Valentine’s Day last weekend:
So, it’s Valentine’s Day. What is it I’m supposed to be feeling? Loneliness? Bitterness? This is what I hear from the single people around me. But I feel none of this. Instead, I feel...extraordinarily happy. No, I don’t have a boyfriend... no dashing knight in shining armour to fill my days with happiness. But really... my days are pretty full of happiness as it is. Sure, sometimes I feel lonely. As I watch so many of my friends enter relationships, growing up into a new stage of life that I have not entered, it leaves me feeling... left behind. But the fact is... even if someday all of my friends are happily dating, engaged, or married and I am still single, I will still love life.
I will enjoy walks in lovely weather. I will smile at the touch of sun on my skin. I will snuggle into the cozy comfort of curling up inside and watching rain drip down window panes. I will enjoy the quiet calm of driving on empty roads late at night. I will love the charming feeling of wearing a skirt and heels. And I will, of course, love to play my violin.
The truth of the matter is, I like myself. Yes, I have periods of insecurity... but right now, and more times than not lately, I like who I am and who I hope to continue to become. Is this a newfound confidence that has come to me overnight? No... I think I have been growing into it for some time now. Sometimes things like this just have a way of sneaking up on you.
I like myself. I like my smile, my style. When I look in the mirror, the reflection that looks back at me is surely not stunningly gorgeous or breathtakingly beautiful, but it is my own. Uniquely me. I like my interests, my sense of humour. I enjoy being with myself. Reading, listening to music, practicing. I like these things and I am glad that I have them. And laughter... I love to laugh until my stomach hurts. I like being happy. And there are so many things in life about which to be happy. I have consciously decided to adopt a happy countenance and outlook, and I'm enjoying it thoroughly. And, it has a nice way of building on itself and becoming more sincere each day.
Most of all I like and love my family and my friends, and I am blessed that they like and love me too... I don’t know what more a person could ask for on Valentine ’s Day than the love of family, friends, and of course, my Heavenly Father.
This is funny, this change. I feel happy and confident. I am changing. It is not yet a complete or consistent change, nor will it ever be... but I can see it happening. A lift in the chin and a straightening of the spine. A quiet confidence without hubris... just the confidence of being myself without thinking about myself in that prideful or self-centered fashion that is so often the companion of insecurity.
I am more certain with each passing day that I am worth more than I can possibly know or believe. My Creator has given me talents and abilities and capacities, certainly. But beyond that, He has made me ME; has deeply and permanently endowed me with an enduring self. I will grow and develop and become, but my soul is uniquely my own, and is in His image.
I possess certain characteristics that are uniquely mine and no one else's.
I am... me.
Cheers.
So, it’s Valentine’s Day. What is it I’m supposed to be feeling? Loneliness? Bitterness? This is what I hear from the single people around me. But I feel none of this. Instead, I feel...extraordinarily happy. No, I don’t have a boyfriend... no dashing knight in shining armour to fill my days with happiness. But really... my days are pretty full of happiness as it is. Sure, sometimes I feel lonely. As I watch so many of my friends enter relationships, growing up into a new stage of life that I have not entered, it leaves me feeling... left behind. But the fact is... even if someday all of my friends are happily dating, engaged, or married and I am still single, I will still love life.
I will enjoy walks in lovely weather. I will smile at the touch of sun on my skin. I will snuggle into the cozy comfort of curling up inside and watching rain drip down window panes. I will enjoy the quiet calm of driving on empty roads late at night. I will love the charming feeling of wearing a skirt and heels. And I will, of course, love to play my violin.
The truth of the matter is, I like myself. Yes, I have periods of insecurity... but right now, and more times than not lately, I like who I am and who I hope to continue to become. Is this a newfound confidence that has come to me overnight? No... I think I have been growing into it for some time now. Sometimes things like this just have a way of sneaking up on you.
I like myself. I like my smile, my style. When I look in the mirror, the reflection that looks back at me is surely not stunningly gorgeous or breathtakingly beautiful, but it is my own. Uniquely me. I like my interests, my sense of humour. I enjoy being with myself. Reading, listening to music, practicing. I like these things and I am glad that I have them. And laughter... I love to laugh until my stomach hurts. I like being happy. And there are so many things in life about which to be happy. I have consciously decided to adopt a happy countenance and outlook, and I'm enjoying it thoroughly. And, it has a nice way of building on itself and becoming more sincere each day.
Most of all I like and love my family and my friends, and I am blessed that they like and love me too... I don’t know what more a person could ask for on Valentine ’s Day than the love of family, friends, and of course, my Heavenly Father.
This is funny, this change. I feel happy and confident. I am changing. It is not yet a complete or consistent change, nor will it ever be... but I can see it happening. A lift in the chin and a straightening of the spine. A quiet confidence without hubris... just the confidence of being myself without thinking about myself in that prideful or self-centered fashion that is so often the companion of insecurity.
I am more certain with each passing day that I am worth more than I can possibly know or believe. My Creator has given me talents and abilities and capacities, certainly. But beyond that, He has made me ME; has deeply and permanently endowed me with an enduring self. I will grow and develop and become, but my soul is uniquely my own, and is in His image.
I possess certain characteristics that are uniquely mine and no one else's.
I am... me.
Cheers.
Sunday, February 22, 2004
Look! Look! I added comments!
So now, you can use the guestbook for general comments (like asking me for advice about all your ridiculous problems, haha), and the comments feature for comments specific to a particular post. (I know, I know, it's probably totally unnecessary... but it's fun.)
I hope you're all thrilled. So go on, use your first amendment rights! Comment! Now! Or don't. But it'll be so much fun if you do.
So now, you can use the guestbook for general comments (like asking me for advice about all your ridiculous problems, haha), and the comments feature for comments specific to a particular post. (I know, I know, it's probably totally unnecessary... but it's fun.)
I hope you're all thrilled. So go on, use your first amendment rights! Comment! Now! Or don't. But it'll be so much fun if you do.
Thursday, February 19, 2004
I just got back from running. Yay me!
Incidentally, Googlewhacking is harder than you might think.
The best I've come up with so far is spenserian lackey, and that generates 7 results.
I've found some combinations that generate 0 results, but that doesn't count.
Incidentally, Googlewhacking is harder than you might think.
The best I've come up with so far is spenserian lackey, and that generates 7 results.
I've found some combinations that generate 0 results, but that doesn't count.
Teacher Quotes
"Play that phrase with integrity and love."
"Play that note like you've just discovered the meaning of the universe."
"Play that note like you've just discovered the meaning of the universe."
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Thanks, Joe
You know how sometimes someone tells you exactly what you needed to hear at exactly the time you needed to hear it, only you didn't know you needed to hear it until just the moment they said it?
Tonight a guy named Joe told me exactly what I needed to hear at exactly the time I needed to hear it.
Tonight a guy named Joe told me exactly what I needed to hear at exactly the time I needed to hear it.
Friday, February 13, 2004
Why am I doing this? It is 1:52 on Friday morning as I type this, and I still have not started my sociology paper. Which is due in approximately seven hours. The thing is, it's just a ridiculous one-page-response paper, and I could write it in 20 minutes, if I'd only get started.
I'm probably the worst procrastinator in the world. (Wait, should I say I'm the worst or the best? Can you be the best at doing a bad thing? It's a terrible thing and I do it terribly, but at the same time, I do it oh-so-well...)
I'm probably the worst procrastinator in the world. (Wait, should I say I'm the worst or the best? Can you be the best at doing a bad thing? It's a terrible thing and I do it terribly, but at the same time, I do it oh-so-well...)
Thursday, February 12, 2004
I think this is right... I actually can't quite remember all the states I've been to; I might be forgetting some.
create your own personalized map of the USA
create your own personalized map of the USA
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
I'm like so happy today, again.
I'm actually getting good grades in music theory this semester! And it's a nice cycle, because the better my grades, the more I like the subject / teacher / class time, and the more I like it all, the more I study, and the more I study, the better my grades are!
I know, I'm an idiot... most people figure all this out very early in life and work hard and do their best in things. Well, I am generally lazy and distracted and a daydreamer, so I am entitled to be very pleased with myself for my small successes... like As in theory.
I had a sociology midterm this morning, and I think (I hope?) that I did pretty well on it, too.
I'm generally liking my classes and professors right now. This is good... much better than the watch-the-seconds-tick-by-until-class-ends moods in which I generally find myself.
Orchestra yesterday was good, my lesson today was okay, and chamber music today was okay. Stravinsky is pretty cool.
I bought a book today... How Now Shall We Live by Charles Colson and Nancy Pearcey. I probably shouldn't have spent the money, but ohh... it's one of those must-have-on-your-shelf sorts of books! So I don't really feel bad about it. I also bought The Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis... it was only $5.99, so after buying the Colson book, I felt that a few dollars more wasn't anything to worry about. hehe.
I am listening to a recording of Mozart Horn Concertos 1-4... Barry Tuckwell with Neville Marriner and the Academy of St. Martin in the Fields. Oh, Mozart! Dvorak was right... "Mozart is sweet sunshine." (Well, this Mozart is anyway. I don't suppose I'd call something like the c minor Mass, or the Requiem for that matter, "sweet sunshine." But anyway.)
By the way, my teacher's recital on Sunday was super-magnificent. I sorta think he's just fantastic. :) In case you hadn't noticed. Well, okay, sometimes I think he's exasperating and hard to take, but most of the time I think he's just fantastic. So his recital was great, and it was also great that I got to see a bunch of friends from Musicorda! I sat next to Hsiao-Ling, and I got to see Wei-Che and lots of other spiffy people! I glimpsed Eunna in the audience, and I talked to Erin briefly. I also saw Emily and talked to her briefly. And, seeing her for the first time since summer, I took the opportunity to admit that I totally blog-stalk her. I really didn't even know her very well at Musicorda this summer, but I happened upon her blog at some point and I've been a frequent reader ever since. It's great. So anyway, go read it! And I hope she doesn't mind me putting a link here. Yeah.
*yawn*
It's only 9:41, and I'm exhausted.
I'm actually getting good grades in music theory this semester! And it's a nice cycle, because the better my grades, the more I like the subject / teacher / class time, and the more I like it all, the more I study, and the more I study, the better my grades are!
I know, I'm an idiot... most people figure all this out very early in life and work hard and do their best in things. Well, I am generally lazy and distracted and a daydreamer, so I am entitled to be very pleased with myself for my small successes... like As in theory.
I had a sociology midterm this morning, and I think (I hope?) that I did pretty well on it, too.
I'm generally liking my classes and professors right now. This is good... much better than the watch-the-seconds-tick-by-until-class-ends moods in which I generally find myself.
Orchestra yesterday was good, my lesson today was okay, and chamber music today was okay. Stravinsky is pretty cool.
I bought a book today... How Now Shall We Live by Charles Colson and Nancy Pearcey. I probably shouldn't have spent the money, but ohh... it's one of those must-have-on-your-shelf sorts of books! So I don't really feel bad about it. I also bought The Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis... it was only $5.99, so after buying the Colson book, I felt that a few dollars more wasn't anything to worry about. hehe.
I am listening to a recording of Mozart Horn Concertos 1-4... Barry Tuckwell with Neville Marriner and the Academy of St. Martin in the Fields. Oh, Mozart! Dvorak was right... "Mozart is sweet sunshine." (Well, this Mozart is anyway. I don't suppose I'd call something like the c minor Mass, or the Requiem for that matter, "sweet sunshine." But anyway.)
By the way, my teacher's recital on Sunday was super-magnificent. I sorta think he's just fantastic. :) In case you hadn't noticed. Well, okay, sometimes I think he's exasperating and hard to take, but most of the time I think he's just fantastic. So his recital was great, and it was also great that I got to see a bunch of friends from Musicorda! I sat next to Hsiao-Ling, and I got to see Wei-Che and lots of other spiffy people! I glimpsed Eunna in the audience, and I talked to Erin briefly. I also saw Emily and talked to her briefly. And, seeing her for the first time since summer, I took the opportunity to admit that I totally blog-stalk her. I really didn't even know her very well at Musicorda this summer, but I happened upon her blog at some point and I've been a frequent reader ever since. It's great. So anyway, go read it! And I hope she doesn't mind me putting a link here. Yeah.
*yawn*
It's only 9:41, and I'm exhausted.
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
Monday, February 09, 2004
A Letter
Dear _____,
I don't really want to see you anymore. Unfortunately, since it's rather unavoidable that we cross paths, please at least don't talk to me unless absolutely necessary. You've brushed me aside, and even though I know I'm probably better off without your friendship, the truth that I'll never admit to you is this: it hurts.
Cordially,
Sarah
I don't really want to see you anymore. Unfortunately, since it's rather unavoidable that we cross paths, please at least don't talk to me unless absolutely necessary. You've brushed me aside, and even though I know I'm probably better off without your friendship, the truth that I'll never admit to you is this: it hurts.
Cordially,
Sarah
Sunday, February 08, 2004
I fell on ice on Friday and it gashed into the palm of my right hand. Oww.
I had a fun Saturday yesterday... I spent the whole day with the murfs! I went over to their apartment for breakfast (we made lemon crepes and hash browns... yummy!), stayed to do some homework for a while, and then we went to the thrift store and the grocery store. After that, we made lunch and then did more homework. Then I went for a run, and after a shower, went back up there to help make a delicious dinner. Then we watched a movie and gave each other back massages. It was a super-fun and super-relaxing day... but I didn't practice my violin even for a minute!
Three funny things from Saturday...
1) Janna: I want to get married so I can have my own set of nice new pots...
Story: You don't have to get married to have pots; just to have sex!
2) The "Not the best, but still a good buy" section of the grocery store.
3) I told Story and Janna that I'd always thought it would be funny to get a blank shirt and just write on it with a permanent marker, "homeskooled." Later on, I was modeling a shirt I'd bought ($2.99 at the thrift store, dude!) that day, and just put it on over my turtleneck sweater rather than bother to change completely. Story said, "wow, that combination says homeschooled without even writing it!"
Ohhhh... Tonight my violin teacher is giving a recital in Jordan Hall!
After my lesson this past week (featuring an enormous and largely irrelevant lecture, about which I shall probably blog sometime in the near future), I was so cranky that I thought about not going... but of course I'm going to go! I can hardly wait!
*squirms with excitement*
I had a fun Saturday yesterday... I spent the whole day with the murfs! I went over to their apartment for breakfast (we made lemon crepes and hash browns... yummy!), stayed to do some homework for a while, and then we went to the thrift store and the grocery store. After that, we made lunch and then did more homework. Then I went for a run, and after a shower, went back up there to help make a delicious dinner. Then we watched a movie and gave each other back massages. It was a super-fun and super-relaxing day... but I didn't practice my violin even for a minute!
Three funny things from Saturday...
1) Janna: I want to get married so I can have my own set of nice new pots...
Story: You don't have to get married to have pots; just to have sex!
2) The "Not the best, but still a good buy" section of the grocery store.
3) I told Story and Janna that I'd always thought it would be funny to get a blank shirt and just write on it with a permanent marker, "homeskooled." Later on, I was modeling a shirt I'd bought ($2.99 at the thrift store, dude!) that day, and just put it on over my turtleneck sweater rather than bother to change completely. Story said, "wow, that combination says homeschooled without even writing it!"
Ohhhh... Tonight my violin teacher is giving a recital in Jordan Hall!
After my lesson this past week (featuring an enormous and largely irrelevant lecture, about which I shall probably blog sometime in the near future), I was so cranky that I thought about not going... but of course I'm going to go! I can hardly wait!
*squirms with excitement*
Friday, February 06, 2004
Thursday, February 05, 2004
Nasty Drunk Man (after harassing us for quite some time tonight at Denny's): You girls are from Goooordon College....
Outside at the car...
Jen (wearing a Gordon College sweatshirt): How did he know we were from Gordon?!?
Oh look, it's already tomorrow. I mean... erhh... yeah. Bedtime.
Today (well, technically yesterday) I had the weirdest lesson EVER. Seriously. More later.
Outside at the car...
Jen (wearing a Gordon College sweatshirt): How did he know we were from Gordon?!?
Oh look, it's already tomorrow. I mean... erhh... yeah. Bedtime.
Today (well, technically yesterday) I had the weirdest lesson EVER. Seriously. More later.
Monday, February 02, 2004
Upset, upset, upset! ... A definite "case of the Mondays."
Stravinsky, Prokofiev, Barber, Wieniawski, Bach... it's all too much.
My first lesson of the semester was a few weeks ago, and my teacher calmly laid out goals for me -- which just so happened to seem immensely unreachable. Oh, and he knew it was more than had ever been expected of me before... later he laughed about it... "sweetie, you looked shocked!" So after that, I spent the two weeks until my next lesson practicing the most I'd ever practiced, and hopefully the best I'd ever practiced, too. I'm really trying to practice intelligently... but sometimes I think I'm just not smart enough or focused enough to cut it as a violinist. Wait, sometimes I think that? No, all the time I think that. *sigh*
In the midst of my burst of diligence, I got yelled at and humiliated in front of everyone at our string sectional rehearsal a week ago Thursday.
And then, after orchestra rehearsal last Tuesday, as my teacher was shaking my hand and complimenting me on my work and my progress, his wife (part-time orchestra conductor, leader of sectionals, cellist, chamber music coach, etc.) interrupted by telling him that his compliments weren't accurate and explaining all my faults and shortcomings. With me standing right there. Already painfully aware that I'm apparently not doing anything right, or at least not right enough for Ms. Woman-of-the-year-Summa-Cum-Laude-Yale-graduate.
I could have cried.
Oh wait... I did cry. I even called my parents later that evening and bawled.
And then my lesson the next day... it was a giant disappointment. Or perhaps I am just a giant disappointment. Anyway. I don't think my teacher even noticed that I'd put in almost twice as much work as I'd ever done before. I'd learned the third mvt. of the Barber (that piece is insane!) and memorized most of it and actually gotten it to a reasonably decent tempo. I'd learned the Wieniawski Scherzo-Tarantella in two weeks, memorized most of it, and gotten it to a decent tempo as well. And of course, I'd also been working on Stravinsky a bit (L'Histoire du Soldat... I am the stupidest creature in the world. WHY did I agree to play that piece?! I can't do it! It's too hard!), and the Prokofiev duo I'm supposed to be doing with Melissa, and I'd been starting the Bach g minor, etc. All that work, and still my lesson was a giant disappointment.
Go back to the beginning. Start over. Intonation - inconsistent and not up to standard. Spiccato - too short and pecky, not enough bow or enough bow speed, and too forced instead of natural. Left hand - too square. Etc.
I am a big fat loser.
And now, this past week, I just haven't felt the same kind of motivation. Sure, I've put in the required hours, but come on... two to three hours a day is pretty wussy, and I should be doing a lot more.
I know... I am being childish. This kind of thing shouldn't affect me this much. I know they're pushing me because they think I can do it. Somehow it just crossed the line from being motivating to being really depressing during this past week.
Of course, I need to figure out who I'm doing this for. My teacher? Myself? God? All of the above? I don't know. And who should I be doing it for?
Story says I seem unhappy about music. Trying too hard to please people, taking myself too seriously, stressing out too much. But I do love the violin. Oh, sometimes I hate it. Jen says we just have to make sure that we love our instruments more than we hate them. I know I do... but the sparkle is not quite in my life right now. I'm just tired. Not fascinated or intrigued or inspired or curious or alert or really alive. Well... sometimes I am all those things. I guess life comes down to working hard even when you don't feel that way, which is probably most of the time.
And now I have a lesson again on Wednesday, and I am woefully unprepared. The discouragement and depression and "It-doesn't-even-make-a-difference-if-I-practice-or-not" mood has been replaced with terror. The Stravinsky is terrible! I'll be ripped apart in chamber music class! Wieniawski and Barber are no better than they were at my last lesson! And when on earth am I supposed to learn this Beethoven sonata?
*dies*
So tonight I cried while I was trying to practice. Not just a few little tears, but really crying, the sort of crying that I usually only do once or twice a semester.
I'm a loser... I miss being a kid and having the security of being special even if I never did anything to merit it... My sister is more diligent and successful and intelligent... my brothers are also both more diligent and successful and intelligent... I wanted to do this one thing well, but I am terrible... I'll never be able to make a career in music... It's too hard, too hard, too hard... I'm letting everyone down, and most of all myself... I'm stupid... I'm lazy... my intonation is terrible, my left hand hasn't improved at all, my fourth finger is being wretchedly horrid...
Anyway, hurray for Julianne and Laura... they're the best! I'm still overwhelmed and feeling loserly, but at least I feel relaxed about it now, instead of high-strung and uptight. hehe.
Also hurray for Hanne... someone who reads my blog from all the way over in Belgium! And she's a fellow violinist... so I really appreciate our emails back and forth.
It's bedtime. Goodnight.
Stravinsky, Prokofiev, Barber, Wieniawski, Bach... it's all too much.
My first lesson of the semester was a few weeks ago, and my teacher calmly laid out goals for me -- which just so happened to seem immensely unreachable. Oh, and he knew it was more than had ever been expected of me before... later he laughed about it... "sweetie, you looked shocked!" So after that, I spent the two weeks until my next lesson practicing the most I'd ever practiced, and hopefully the best I'd ever practiced, too. I'm really trying to practice intelligently... but sometimes I think I'm just not smart enough or focused enough to cut it as a violinist. Wait, sometimes I think that? No, all the time I think that. *sigh*
In the midst of my burst of diligence, I got yelled at and humiliated in front of everyone at our string sectional rehearsal a week ago Thursday.
And then, after orchestra rehearsal last Tuesday, as my teacher was shaking my hand and complimenting me on my work and my progress, his wife (part-time orchestra conductor, leader of sectionals, cellist, chamber music coach, etc.) interrupted by telling him that his compliments weren't accurate and explaining all my faults and shortcomings. With me standing right there. Already painfully aware that I'm apparently not doing anything right, or at least not right enough for Ms. Woman-of-the-year-Summa-Cum-Laude-Yale-graduate.
I could have cried.
Oh wait... I did cry. I even called my parents later that evening and bawled.
And then my lesson the next day... it was a giant disappointment. Or perhaps I am just a giant disappointment. Anyway. I don't think my teacher even noticed that I'd put in almost twice as much work as I'd ever done before. I'd learned the third mvt. of the Barber (that piece is insane!) and memorized most of it and actually gotten it to a reasonably decent tempo. I'd learned the Wieniawski Scherzo-Tarantella in two weeks, memorized most of it, and gotten it to a decent tempo as well. And of course, I'd also been working on Stravinsky a bit (L'Histoire du Soldat... I am the stupidest creature in the world. WHY did I agree to play that piece?! I can't do it! It's too hard!), and the Prokofiev duo I'm supposed to be doing with Melissa, and I'd been starting the Bach g minor, etc. All that work, and still my lesson was a giant disappointment.
Go back to the beginning. Start over. Intonation - inconsistent and not up to standard. Spiccato - too short and pecky, not enough bow or enough bow speed, and too forced instead of natural. Left hand - too square. Etc.
I am a big fat loser.
And now, this past week, I just haven't felt the same kind of motivation. Sure, I've put in the required hours, but come on... two to three hours a day is pretty wussy, and I should be doing a lot more.
I know... I am being childish. This kind of thing shouldn't affect me this much. I know they're pushing me because they think I can do it. Somehow it just crossed the line from being motivating to being really depressing during this past week.
Of course, I need to figure out who I'm doing this for. My teacher? Myself? God? All of the above? I don't know. And who should I be doing it for?
Story says I seem unhappy about music. Trying too hard to please people, taking myself too seriously, stressing out too much. But I do love the violin. Oh, sometimes I hate it. Jen says we just have to make sure that we love our instruments more than we hate them. I know I do... but the sparkle is not quite in my life right now. I'm just tired. Not fascinated or intrigued or inspired or curious or alert or really alive. Well... sometimes I am all those things. I guess life comes down to working hard even when you don't feel that way, which is probably most of the time.
And now I have a lesson again on Wednesday, and I am woefully unprepared. The discouragement and depression and "It-doesn't-even-make-a-difference-if-I-practice-or-not" mood has been replaced with terror. The Stravinsky is terrible! I'll be ripped apart in chamber music class! Wieniawski and Barber are no better than they were at my last lesson! And when on earth am I supposed to learn this Beethoven sonata?
*dies*
So tonight I cried while I was trying to practice. Not just a few little tears, but really crying, the sort of crying that I usually only do once or twice a semester.
I'm a loser... I miss being a kid and having the security of being special even if I never did anything to merit it... My sister is more diligent and successful and intelligent... my brothers are also both more diligent and successful and intelligent... I wanted to do this one thing well, but I am terrible... I'll never be able to make a career in music... It's too hard, too hard, too hard... I'm letting everyone down, and most of all myself... I'm stupid... I'm lazy... my intonation is terrible, my left hand hasn't improved at all, my fourth finger is being wretchedly horrid...
Anyway, hurray for Julianne and Laura... they're the best! I'm still overwhelmed and feeling loserly, but at least I feel relaxed about it now, instead of high-strung and uptight. hehe.
Also hurray for Hanne... someone who reads my blog from all the way over in Belgium! And she's a fellow violinist... so I really appreciate our emails back and forth.
It's bedtime. Goodnight.
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