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Monday, February 23, 2004

I found some thoughts that I scribbled on paper on Valentine’s Day last weekend:

So, it’s Valentine’s Day. What is it I’m supposed to be feeling? Loneliness? Bitterness? This is what I hear from the single people around me. But I feel none of this. Instead, I feel...extraordinarily happy. No, I don’t have a boyfriend... no dashing knight in shining armour to fill my days with happiness. But really... my days are pretty full of happiness as it is. Sure, sometimes I feel lonely. As I watch so many of my friends enter relationships, growing up into a new stage of life that I have not entered, it leaves me feeling... left behind. But the fact is... even if someday all of my friends are happily dating, engaged, or married and I am still single, I will still love life.

I will enjoy walks in lovely weather. I will smile at the touch of sun on my skin. I will snuggle into the cozy comfort of curling up inside and watching rain drip down window panes. I will enjoy the quiet calm of driving on empty roads late at night. I will love the charming feeling of wearing a skirt and heels. And I will, of course, love to play my violin.

The truth of the matter is, I like myself. Yes, I have periods of insecurity... but right now, and more times than not lately, I like who I am and who I hope to continue to become. Is this a newfound confidence that has come to me overnight? No... I think I have been growing into it for some time now. Sometimes things like this just have a way of sneaking up on you.

I like myself. I like my smile, my style. When I look in the mirror, the reflection that looks back at me is surely not stunningly gorgeous or breathtakingly beautiful, but it is my own. Uniquely me. I like my interests, my sense of humour. I enjoy being with myself. Reading, listening to music, practicing. I like these things and I am glad that I have them. And laughter... I love to laugh until my stomach hurts. I like being happy. And there are so many things in life about which to be happy. I have consciously decided to adopt a happy countenance and outlook, and I'm enjoying it thoroughly. And, it has a nice way of building on itself and becoming more sincere each day.

Most of all I like and love my family and my friends, and I am blessed that they like and love me too... I don’t know what more a person could ask for on Valentine ’s Day than the love of family, friends, and of course, my Heavenly Father.

This is funny, this change. I feel happy and confident. I am changing. It is not yet a complete or consistent change, nor will it ever be... but I can see it happening. A lift in the chin and a straightening of the spine. A quiet confidence without hubris... just the confidence of being myself without thinking about myself in that prideful or self-centered fashion that is so often the companion of insecurity.

I am more certain with each passing day that I am worth more than I can possibly know or believe. My Creator has given me talents and abilities and capacities, certainly. But beyond that, He has made me ME; has deeply and permanently endowed me with an enduring self. I will grow and develop and become, but my soul is uniquely my own, and is in His image.

I possess certain characteristics that are uniquely mine and no one else's.

I am... me.


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