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Monday, January 26, 2004

Last night when I checked my hotmail account, I discovered to my surprise that apparently someone thinks I’m an advice columnist now. Well, okay, but for the record, this blog is about ME! Because I’m a self-absorbed 20-year-old college student. This blog is not about the childish problems of strangers who happen to find themselves here.

That said, because I sometimes want to tell people what I really think about their ridiculous problems, I’m going to post the question and my answer here. I have to admit that I kind of had fun reading it and writing a reply.

Please don't be offended by any perceived sarcasm. I figure that if you're going to email me for advice, you're putting yourself at my mercy, okay? Take anything I say with a grain of salt, or two. Or not. Whatever. Either way, it's good advice.

dear sarah,
i found ur blog an u seem smart, like one of those ppl who always knows the rite thing to say at the rite time, so i am wondering, can u help me? i have this problem. i’m 15 yrs old an i really like this guy (i'll call him bob) and he is s0o0o0o0o0 cute and i have no dout i'm in love with him but the problem is this, that he dosen’t know. a few months ago i was with this other guy (i'll call him joe), who i used to have feelings for but dont anymore, he is an alcoholic. so i want to be with bob but i don’t know how to tell him i love him an i don’t know if he’ll think i'm just rebounding or whatever from joe. an i don’t really know what to do, an maybe i should just be with joe again after all since he calls me and sez he loves me still. can u help me, sarah? thanks for the advise, so0o0o much! maybe you can post an answer on ur blog an i'll come read it again.
sincerely yourz,

Dear Confused,

Well, I think you’ve answered your own question. The obvious answer is that you should date Bob. You said you feel sure that you’re in love with him, and you said he’s cute, whereas concerning Joe, you only said that you used to have feelings for him. (I don’t know why you mentioned the bit about Joe being an alcoholic; that doesn’t really seem relevant to the issue.) Just choose the guy you think is cute and the one you feel the most in love with at the moment. As to how you should tell Bob, I’d suggest something like this: “Hey Bob, I have no doubt that I’m in love with you. I think you’re really cute and I want to be with you. Oh, and don’t worry about Joe. I’m over him, and I’m not rebounding or anything.”

After that, the ball is in his court, and you can breathe easy and stop being confused. I’m sure everything will turn out fine for you. Don’t worry about a thing, and you’re more than welcome for the free advice.

Sincerely yours,

P.S. I think it would be more respectful if you would capitalize my name. If you can’t find the shift key, don’t be discouraged… it seems to be a common problem among teens of your age. Ask your Mom if you can enroll in a typing course of some sort. I’m sure she’ll be quite supportive, since she no doubt wants to encourage your intellectual growth.