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Monday, December 29, 2003

I realize that it’s been quite some time since I have blogged. There is a reason for this. Yes, I’ve been busy. The end of the semester was the usual crunch-time-during-which-you-want-nothing-more-than-10-hours-of-uninterrupted-rest, and after-which-you’re-too-exhausted-and-exhilarated-even-for-sleep. And yes, I’m home now, without the preccciousss high-speed internet connection (*cackle*) that makes blogging oh-so-convenient. And yes, it’s been Christmas time, and a very unusual Christmas at that. (My grandfather was in the hospital until the 23rd. I got very sick on the 24th with a high fever and was throwing up for almost 24 hours straight, after which my fever and cold lingered uninvited for four more days. And, my sister and her husband were not able to come spend Christmas with us after all. But there were wonderful things too, like the Christmas Eve services at our church [I played for the two on the 23rd, but had to cancel on the 24th because I couldn’t stand up without throwing up], which were amazingly wonderful, spending time with my family, all of whom are amazingly wonderful, and just the fact that it’s Christmas, which is amazingly wonderful in itself. Oh, and our annual family watching of The Muppet Christmas Carol. A true classic!)

Yes, life has been busy. But beyond that, there is a reason I haven’t blogged.

I am considering retiring my blog.

Yes, really.

Someone was telling me a few weeks ago how weird he thinks my blog is. He had found the link in my buddy info on AIM and he apparently read quite a bit of it one day. (Which feels weird to me. Sure, anyone can read it, but when it’s one of those quasi-friend-quasi-acquaintance people with whom you have a jesting and bantering relationship but don't really talk to very often about real things, it's weird…) So, this guy tells me that it’s weird and disturbing, my having a blog, and then he asks me, “Why do you do it? Are you, deep down, just really desperate for attention?”

Now, I thought about this hypothesis, and I think it is incorrect. I blog because I am by nature a verbal person who loves reading and writing and has a vast appreciation for language. Yes, I really just like to write. Further, some people enjoy reading my writing. I like it that they like it, and a blog is a fun way for me to write and them to read what I write, and hey, it’s just plain fun. When I first started blogging, I thought that I blogged because I was lonely, but now I don’t really think it’s that, either. I just like writing. That’s all. And a blog is a fun place in which to write. (And if I was desperate for attention, I’m sure I could come up with a better way to get it than by keeping a blog.)

But now I’m just wondering if it’s really weird that I have this electronic medium through which I voice my thoughts and feelings about my life and various other matters.

This same guy had also told me once, on hearing me mention that I had a blog, that if I had a “real life,” like maybe a significant other or something, then I wouldn’t need a blog. At the time I dismissed it as ridiculous, but since then I’ve noticed how Jon’s blog as dwindled noticeably since, well, Jon and Libby because Jon and Libby. So maybe there’s something to that after all.

And maybe blogging is an exceedingly strange and disturbing sort of thing to do.

And maybe I should stop.

And maybe I will stop.

I haven’t decided yet.

I got an email yesterday from a girl who happened across my blog and really liked it. And an old friend from Wheaton told me recently that she reads my blog and really likes it and finds it “insightful.”

I’m curious…who reads my blog, anyway? Use the links on the right (guestbook and/or email address) and drop me a note and tell me who you are. Or, just make up a name if you don’t know me and don’t want to give out your identity to random strangers over the internet. You know, whatever. Even if you think I know that you read my blog, still, send me an email or something. I’m curious. My SiteMeter shows me general IP addresses, but in general I have no idea who reads this thing, or why they would do so. So, enlighten me, people.

And meanwhile, I shall be deciding if I am going to continue to indulge in my blogging habit or if I’m going to quit.

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