oh, hello again!

For the past month or two, I've been meaning to create an altogether new blog with a new title; a space to start afresh.  Then I sort of got hung up on what said title ought to be, and the project stalled out.  As a freelance musician, my evenings at home are limited, and when I do have an evening home, it seems that a dozen different things are calling my name and vying for my attention!

I want to get back to my little corner of the web, though.  I came across a lovely blog post by Rachael back in January and the idea of it has stuck with me.  It's really a nice bit of information if you - like me, I admit - are not quite certain you've got the whole 21st century thing figured out with regards to your technology and your photo-keeping.  But what I loved the most was this part:

"Part of the trouble is that our digital lives are still often dismissed as self-indulging and ephemeral. Instagram accounts are mentioned with an eye roll. Collecting photos annually and having them printed and bound into books takes hours, truly hours to put together, and feels hard to justify when we’ve already posted it and relished the photo elsewhere. While we’d love our children to someday say “she kept a tidy lovely home” about us, it feels less important to imagine them saying “she did such a great job of documenting our family’s life together over the years.” 

Sometimes I think about blogs as this century’s cross-stitch sampler. I’ve encountered criticism of them as aggrandizing digital wastes of time. A trend. People still say things like “I don’t read blogs,” as if they were a category of acquired taste. But they are the next in a long historic line of homemaking habits, small lovely tributes to our abilities and hopes. Even if the writers gloss things over, even if they make life appear too clean and breezy. Though in theory written and created for others, they will always bring the most pleasure to their creator."

You should still go read the whole post, though.  But she really voiced something I've long thought; a sort of frustration with how "mom blogs" are viewed dismissively when in fact, they can be a beautiful place to gather memories and highlights of daily life.

I'm also inspired by her to create some photo books for our family, perhaps one for each year of our recent life.  Judging from how much Nell loves the family photo calendar my sister-in-law made for us for Christmas -- she asks to look through those monthly pictures almost every day! -- I know she would love having a photo book to sit and look through, to look back on her life as a baby as well as the more recent memories we've created.

So it was that bit of writing from Rachael, in part, that reminded me to return to this neglected space, which I do hope to soon move to another corner of the internet whenever I can settle on where that corner ought to be.

In the mean time, this week is a week spent at home for me, quite welcome after several rehearsals and concerts last week.  It has been filled with everyday moments that we've enjoyed quite thoroughly so far.

Sixty-degree weather on Monday merited a trip to the park.

This particular park, just two minutes from our house, is more than just a playground - there's farm land and a barn with animals as well.

Ree yelled happily or angrily {one couldn't quite be certain which} at all the animals, over and over again: "Hiiiii!  Hiiiii!" (Which comes out more like "Iiiiii!")  I think she thought it was quite rude that they didn't acknowledge her enthusiastic greetings.

Nell was charmed to make the acquaintance of this sweet little goat.

Seeing the girls hanging on fences reminded me of similar timeless moments in my own childhood; somehow perhaps some of the most important things I ever did might have been doing nothing at all, if any sense can be made of that.  I've been pondering the nature of childhood lately, more and more as we move decidedly out of pure toddlerdom and into little girlhood and all that lies ahead.  {Very much on my mind: schooling in the future years and what we'd like to do for that!}

Nell has been faithfully helping me water our amaryllis plants in the living room, and they've all burst into bloom in the past week with a vibrancy that takes me by surprise each time I walk into that room.  I suppose it would be odd to admit that these plants were rescued from a trash bin, but there you go, I've said it.  I have to say it, because to me, it somehow makes their blooms that much more beautiful.

And finally, in hopes of more warm days soon to come, I dug up and created a branch border for a "Bit of Earth" for the girls.  They may not have a sandbox {yet}, but who doesn't love to just dig in the dirt?  And now that Ree is old enough to dig without eating said dirt, I believe it will occupy many imaginative hours of play this spring and summer.  It's a little area beside the shed and off the edge of the proper lawn.  A few pails and trowels and sticks and some pairs of play clothes are all that's needed for a very good time!

I know it's only the beginning of March, but I'm dreaming of many more warm days soon to come.

Today, on the other hand, was a bit rainy, so we found ourselves at the library and arrived home armed with some wonderful books.  Perhaps I'll write again soon and share some of our recent favorites!

Easter

Happy Easter!

Since Nathan is director of music at a church, Easter Sunday morning found me getting up at 5:00 am, hurrying bleary-eyed children out to the car, and playing my violin in the church orchestra for three consecutive church services.  {Nathan's arrangements were glorious, as always.}  In between playing, I dashed back and forth between the different nurseries the girls were in to check in on them and nurse the baby as needed, and even found a few spare minutes to drink coffee and chat with people.

These sweet kiddos endured the very long morning as well as anyone could expect, and we made it home by around 2:00 for naps {for the kids, although I wished I could take one, too!} and dinner preparations.

As we often are on holidays, we were joined by good friends for food and conversation.  Ten adults, three toddlers, and three babies made for some good old-fashioned chaos.  The toddlers gathered plastic eggs filled with candy, stickers, and other such goodies.

We sat down to ham, potatoes, green beans, roasted carrots and parsnips, rolls, and a salad.  The dishes were a bit mis-matched out of necessity, and I realized as I looked at the set table that it's a lucky predicament to have more friends than one has matching dishes.

For dessert there was carrot cake, flourless chocolate cake, key lime pie, and more.

I made and tasted my first coconut cream pie.  Let's just say it surely won't be my last.

That was our Easter in a nutshell.  Sunday morning the house was the cleanest and tidiest it's been in a while, and now it's quite messy.  We are exhausted and I, for one, am a bit headachy from too much sugar {see above}.

Today, Monday, consisted of the usual post-holiday vicious cycle.  Decide to have a small piece of leftover carrot cake for breakfast with coffee because, after all, it's Easter.  Feel blah after eating said cake.  Resolve not to eat any more sugar.  Drink some water.  A few hours later, reach for a few of those dark chocolate coconut almonds.  Eat a few more than planned.  Feel gross and lethargic.  Resolve not to eat any more sugar.  Repeat, repeat, repeat.  Until all the sugary things in the house have been consumed, I'm sure.

I went for a run to assuage my guilt at eating so many sugary things.  It worked so well, I'll be ready to eat more sugary things tomorrow!

on caring for sick children

For the past six weeks or thereabouts, on any given day, it seems that someone in this house has been sick.  Sometimes even two or three people.  It's not fun, it's not glamorous, and at times, it messes with your head and you start to believe there couldn't possibly be anything worse than caring for sick kids and being sick.

{Then you read a news headline and get a much-needed reality check and wipe those runny noses gratefully, of course.}

The thing about caring for sick kids, I've realized, is that it reduces your daily tasks down to the utmost of basics: keeping the children alive and caring for them tenderly and holding them and loving them and meeting their most basic needs.  On the sickest of sickly days, there is little to no cooking to be done except the simplest of nourishing things.  There are no big projects, and no extra cleaning or tidying gets done.  The sewing projects or home improvement tasks are put aside.   Work might have to be canceled to be made up later.  Fevered brows are felt and kissed, temperatures taken, natural healing remedies attempted.  The entire household forgets what it's like to sleep at night, and longs for the days when the healthy baby only awakened every three hours all night long -- a luxury compared to both children's seemingly ceaseless wails throughout the long, sick nights.

In February, when the first bout of illness struck, the suitcases from our recent travels were left unpacked by the door for three days as I walked circles around the house to get the baby to sleep against my chest in the Ergo, wiped a toddler's runny nose 1,000 times and gently applied lotion to her chapped nose and lips despite her protests.  There was no getting anything of substance done; all but the most necessary of work-related tasks were put on hold.  No errands, no getting out of the house.  No paychecks to show for my overtime mothering hours.   My existence was reduced to the barest of minimums and by only the second day of the first bout of illness I was asking myself, "what is the MEANING of life?"

These minimal things don't feel easy to do.  Sometimes, they feel really hard.  It is hard to change sheets and launder them again and again.  It is hard to hold children constantly for endless days.  It is hard to wipe dribbling orifices and go without sleep night after night.  It is hard to eventually succumb to illness yourself.  But part of the hard-ness of it is the frustration of all the other things that aren't getting done.

If what you have to offer isn't a symphony orchestra performance or a violin lesson, if it isn't a Pinterest-worthy home-cooked dinner, if it isn't a passably clean home or at least the children dressed in clean clothes each day, then what are you offering?  What is left, really?  There have been days this winter when I felt devoid of anything to offer.  With nothing tangible to show for my long days and nights, what was I accomplishing?

And then my toddler would wrap her arms around my neck when I lifted her warm little body to carry her from the couch upstairs.  "I love you so, so much, Mama," she'd croak, too sick even to whine very much at that point.  Or the baby would snuggle close against me, finally relaxing into slumber as I held her upright so she could breathe clearly.

And I would remember that what felt to me like long days of nothingness was everything to these little ones.

{I call this art piece Disheveled Mother With Her Sickly Young}

I don't remember how clean my own mother kept the house when I was sick as a child.  I don't know if she cooked elegant meals for the rest of the family downstairs when she was bringing me a piece of buttered toast in bed.  What I do remember is how soothing her hands felt on my forehead, how good it felt to sink into a freshly made bed after the sheets had been changed for me, and the calming sound of her voice as she reassured me that all would be well again soon.

I don't have very much to show for this flu and cold season in our lives, but I have two children whose noses shall go on being wiped and whose hair shall go on being smoothed and who shall know that they are deeply loved.  And perhaps that isn't such a small thing, after all.

The Elimination Communication Post

We started EC -- Elimination Communication -- with our older daughter, now 2.5, when she was about eight months old.  At that time, I got a lot of questions about it from friends and acquaintances, and I always meant to write about what we were doing, but somehow never managed to do it.

Our second babe is now almost six months old, and while I've been doing a little EC with her from time to time since she was born, I started being more consistent about it this week.  The results are already so noticeable!  I'm sure you can find info about EC all over the vast worldwide web, but I wanted to share our own experiences with this practice.  So here it is: the long-awaited EC blog post.

* * *

I think I first came across the whole concept of EC during my pregnancy with Nell.  It felt, to me, a combination of intriguing and overwhelming.  Then, I distinctly remember a conversation with my husband and my brother-in-law after one of her earliest diaper blow-outs, where I mentioned the practice and tried to explain it to them.  Both of them, grossed-out {to put it indelicately} by the incident they had just witnessed, loudly and enthusiastically endorsed the practice.  "Why wouldn't you try it?  Why on earth not?" and so on and so forth.

{Perhaps this is where I insert a disclaimer about how my children are perfect and delicate little flowers, are infinitely ladylike, and don't actually poop.  Just for posterity, you know.}

Well, as a first-time mom, taking care of a baby in a somewhat mainstream way already seemed overwhelming enough, and somehow the months went by and I never actually tried it.

Fast-forward to when Nell was about eight months old.  My friend Melissa had just had a baby, and was trying EC with her newborn.  She would tell me about their little successes, and within a few days, I was convinced: I had to try it, too.  I suppose that when your friend is doing something and you can hear it from a real live person's mouth instead of a book or website, it seems easier.  And really, it is easy!  So much easier and more normal than I would have thought.

* * *

So, I ordered Nell a little Baby Bjorn Potty Chair and eagerly waited for it to arrive.

Once the potty was established in a place of honor in a corner of our living room, I started by offering her potty opportunities when she first woke in the morning, and when she woke from naps.

"Do you want to go pee in the potty, Nell?", I would ask, and then I would make a "Sssssss" sound.  And if/when she peed, I made the "Ssssss" sound again as she went.

I've forgotten now, but I think she must have peed on her potty the first or second time I offered it.  It was just the encouragement I needed to keep going.

Before long, she was often keeping her {cloth} diapers dry in between using the potty.

And possibly the best benefit for this cloth-diapering mama, by the time she was actually interested in eating solids and had the accompanying change in bowel habits, all her poops were on the potty.  Yep.  I never had to deal with a diaper sprayer or anything like that.  Just wet diapers over here from about nine months onward.  {She was late to the game in having any interest in solids whatsoever.}

We were definitely doing pretty well, often just using one or two diapers during the course of the day, and by the time Nell was eighteen months or a bit younger she would say, "pot" {her word for potty} when she needed to use the potty or wanted her diaper changed.

Unfortunately, having hyperemesis gravidarum again during my pregnancy with Marie derailed the whole EC thing a bit, and during the time that I was too sick to handle cloth diaper laundry there were also days when I was too sick to manage getting her to the potty frequently.  She wore disposables.  And peed in them frequently.  {Poops were still in the potty, though!  Always!}

All was not lost, however.  Once I felt better, we got back to using the potty at least a couple of times a day.  Then, when Ree was two weeks old (and Nell had just turned two), I decided that Nell was probably ready to be fully "potty-trained."

We tried it for a day.  It was not going well.  I was perplexed.  It wasn't what I expected of my EC girlie.  I put it on hold.  After all, having a new baby sister is a pretty big adjustment.

I tried again one week later.  Easy-peasy this time.  Virtually no accidents.  Underwear!  Fun and exciting!  Nell had maybe two accidents in the house over the course of a week, and one while playing outside with the hose water one day.  And that was pretty much it!

* * *

So here we are, doing it again with little miss Marie, who is now almost six months old.  She's sitting with pretty good stability these days, so at the beginning of this week I pulled the Baby Bjorn potty up from the basement and washed it out for her.  Spurred on by a recent bit of information I read about the inherent difficulties of getting solid poops out of cloth diapers, I decided it was time to get serious about doing this again.  Maybe it would work and maybe it wouldn't, but I would offer Ree chances on the potty just as I had done with Nell.

I've been offering her the potty at waking times {not night wakings; please people, I'm not that dedicated!}, at diaper changes, before baths, and occasionally in between if we're home and it's convenient.

The first day, Ree wasn't so sure about sitting on the potty, as she was used to being held over it, her back against my tummy as I held her little legs.  By that afternoon, though, she had the hang of it and peed sitting down.  The following day, she did three pees on the potty.  The third day it was at least four.  Today in addition to success upon wakings, there were a couple of occasions where she seemed a little fussy, I checked her diaper to find it dry, and she then went on the potty.  At diaper changes where her diaper was wet, I offered her the potty and it was clear that she would try to go at those times, even if it was just a small amount.

I can't help adding the completely pointless but utterly charming fact that, after peeing on the potty, "I smile at her and say, "Ree!  Does that feel better than having a wet diaper?" and she grins up at me, oh so pleased with herself.

* * *

Doing EC worked pretty well with Nell.  Nathan quickly became on board with the whole idea, too, and overall we felt it worked really well for our family.  We were glad we gave it a try and stayed with it -- even though we didn't do it "perfectly" or 100% consistently, it made a real difference.  But maybe it was just Nell, a niggling voice in my head said.  Maybe she just took to it well, and other babies wouldn't.

While it's still early to declare any sort of wild success with Babe #2 around here, I think it is fair to say that the principles of EC really do work.  I just think that children - even babies - are quite smart, and can quickly show a preference for using a toilet if it is offered to them rather than wetting or soiling a diaper.  And if you have the kind of lifestyle where you can be home with your babies enough to offer them this chance -- even somewhat infrequently, even just once or twice a day -- you may be surprised by how they respond.

In short -- 

Definite Pros of EC:

I think a big thing in favor of practicing EC, even part-time, is that the toilet will never be something new or scary to an EC baby.  Baby will never remember a time of not using the potty.  Hopefully this eliminates or reduces resistance to the idea, the developing of controlling tendencies in reaction to toilet learning, etc.  Using the potty is just normal.

Fewer diapers.  When baby stays dry, just put the dry diaper back on after using the potty!  {Note: cloth diapers will go off and on endlessly; disposables will lose their stickiness on the tabs after a few times.} Fewer disposable diapers means saving money and the environment.  If you're cloth diapering, you'll extend the life of your diapers with less laundering needed.

A more comfortable baby with less wetness and less opportunity for rash.

A chance to connect with your baby about one of many daily caregiving opportunities.  I am a big believer in giving my kids my full attention as much as possible during bathing, changing, potty, dressing, and feeding times.  At other times I encourage them to engage in independent activities, but caregiving, when I am at my best anyway, gets my undivided attention.  {This is based not only on my intuition, but also influenced by Magda Gerber's approach and by Janet Lansbury, a wonderful parenting resource.}

Potential Cons of EC:

Baby might fuss when wanting to use potty. {Then again, most babies will fuss for a wet diaper, anyway.}

Baby might wake when wanting to use potty?  I was never sure if this was happening with Nell or not, but occasionally had my suspicions.  A legitimate fear for any parent, I get that.  We don't want our babes waking any more than they already do!

If you cloth diaper, you might find yourself with smaller diaper laundry loads.  Don't forget to wash them every 2-3 days anyway.  Don't let them fester for a week just because your pail isn't full and you still have plenty of clean ones in your stash.  Wash them anyway.  And throw in towels to bring your laundry-to-water ratio where you want it.

* * *

I hope my children don't hate me someday for writing this post.  Nell and Marie, I love you girls so, and I came across this method of toilet-learning and thought it just seemed as though it might be a little nicer for all parties concerned than solely using diapers.  And it's worked so well for us that I wanted to share what I know with friends who have asked.

And with the whole internet.

{Interested in learning more about EC?  Comment or email me with questions!  And Diaper Free Baby is a great resource.}