on trying to do all the things

I shouldn't flatter myself by assuming that my gentle readers have noticed how little I've blogged lately.  So, in case you haven't noticed, I haven't been writing much lately.

I don't know if I'm just tired, or a little burned out with life, or truly don't have enough free hours in the day, but it seems hard to find the time to write.  I love to write, I want to write, I daydream in prose while I cook meals and wash dishes -- but at the end of the day, I rarely get time to put fingers to keyboard and record any of the thoughts or experiences I had meant to write.

I'm totally blown away by those women out there that seem to manage it all.  Four or five kids, a beautiful home seemingly always in immaculate condition, craft projects and DIY beautifying going on every day, repainting furniture in the perfect hues, children dressed in designer clothing, homeschooling, cooking from scratch, selling beautiful handmade things on Etsy, managing their start-up businesses, and blogging about all of it with professional-quality photographs.

How in the world...?

There are toys under my couch that haven't seen the light of day in probably a month.  One or more of us has been sick pretty much every day for the past month in an endless cycle of colds and fevers and even a bad bout of the flu {lucky me}.  My baby crawls around picking up bits of yesterday's food from the floor beneath her high chair and trying to eat it while my toddler hasn't had a bath in days.  I cook from scratch, but my kitchen is the worse for the wear because of it.  If the living room is tidy, you can bet the master bedroom isn't.  If the master bedroom is clean, the kids' rooms upstairs will be piled high with laundry waiting to be put away.  If the laundry is all done and put away, I'm dreadfully behind on work-related tasks.  And so on and so forth.

On days when I'm lucky enough to have both children napping simultaneously, or evenings when I get them to bed in a timely fashion and no one wakes up crying for an hour or more, my brain sounds something like this:

"FREEDOM!!!  What should I do?!  I know!  Work on the rag rug I'm making for Nell's room!  Or wait, I could write on my blog!  I could read other peoples' blogs!  No, I should mend Nathan's shirt that's been sitting on top of the mending pile for weeks!  No, perhaps I'll practice my violin!  Or get caught up on work!  Send those emails that have needed to be done for weeks!  No, wait, I could bake some cookies for Nathan!  I could sew something pretty!  Organize the linen closet!  Take down that last Christmas decoration that's still up even though it's March!  Tidy up the kids' toys and rotate out some of the ones they haven't played with lately!  I could go on Pinterest and look for some ideas to make the house look ready for Spring!  Or I could sit down and relax!  Put my feet up, drink a cup of tea, yes, that's what I should do!  Watch an episode of Parenthood!  I'll just turn on the teakettle and----"

Of course, as if on cue, the baby probably wakes up.  Or, if not, I usually end up doing something practical like dishes or laundry, those two most never-ending of all the never-ending tasks of housekeeping.  I use nap time to tidy up for the babysitter, to set out snacks for the afternoon when I'll be working, to sweep the kitchen floor quickly.  Or perhaps in the evening laziness wins out and I watch an episode of Parenthood {I'm late to the party on that one, but I love it!}, telling myself I'll do all the other things! after one episode, but then it's 9:30 pm and I brush my teeth and fall into bed just in time for the baby to wake up.

Maybe someone else out there can relate?  I want to do so many things, to create beauty and do something lasting in between spending meaningful moments with my kids.  Then I get so excited about all the things I could do in the free moments I have, I somehow manage to do nothing.  I'm paralyzed by the possibilities and the time is all too brief.

It probably seems silly to try to fit in time for blogging when there are so many more essential things I could be doing.

I want to write things down in this insignificant little space of mine on the world wide web, not only because I enjoy the process of writing and find that it helps me clear my mind, but also because it somehow seems more tangible than the other things I accomplish.  Sure, I cleaned the dishes only to messy them again only to clean them again.  Yes, I vacuumed today, and will need to do so again by tomorrow no doubt.  The diapers were laundered, and the pail will be overflowing again by the end of the week.  The predictably cyclical nature of housework is enjoyable in its rhythm and pattern, but can also leave one at a bit of a loss.  Am I accomplishing anything?  Have I done anything of value?  There's something about the posts on this blog of mine that lend me a bit of satisfaction: I had a thought, and I wrote it down.  I photographed our lovely children, and I recorded a few memories.  I put it somewhere permanent.  The house will continue to ebb and flow in and out of chaos, but what I wrote and recorded - a tiny snapshot in the timeline of our family life - will remain.

So here's to the idea of making time to write a little more often.  Will it happen?  We shall see.  The dinner dishes are waiting to be done and the baby just woke up crying.  The tyranny of the urgent is real, and it is comfortingly predictable.

{I'm smiling to myself right now.  It's nice to be needed.}

This & That from Here & There

The days are becoming - for the most part - more and more spring-like.  Consequently, I am getting cheerier.  Not that I was overly gloomy, but I do notice that as the days get warmer, I enjoy my work more, I'm a little more patient and a little more fun in the violin lessons I'm teaching, and I have renewed energy for all the little things that need to be done.  Even 'eskimo kisses' and snuggles with my baby girl seem better when the sun is shining, if that's possible.

{Of course, come September, I'll be oh-so-ready for Autumn, and by December, the anticipation of snow and Christmas will have me nearly giddy... but I've said that before.}

Spring is notoriously a tease, however, so if you find yourself indoors on a chilly day sipping a cup of tea -- as I am this gray and dreary morning -- here are a few interesting reads:

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From Nell at Whole Parenting Family: Parenting Styles Vary. Get Over It.  She mentions pretty much all the major differences in parenting babies that I've already noticed (sleep training vs. co-sleeping, organic vs. conventional foods, mall shopping vs. thrift shopping, etc.) and offers the reminder that only moral issues are the ones worth worrying about.  In other words, don't dwell on the small differences between friends when it comes to child-rearing.  In my own case, I've felt the lure of comparisons awaiting me around every corner.  It's easy to either come up lacking in these comparisons, or perhaps to momentarily pat myself on the back and consider myself morally superior.  Oh, how foolish...!

I want to give my daughter the gift of not comparing her to other children.  I want to give my fellow mama friends that gift of non-comparison, too.  And you know who else?  Yes... myself.  To be able to live without comparisons is freeing!

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From Jenni at Story of my Life: Advice for Bloggers, Vol. 2: Blogging Your Life.  I was particularly struck by her discussion of the importance of including photos of oneself on one's personal blog.  It may come across to some as weird, or even egotistical, but I think Jenni is right -- what's a story without a main character?  While there are certainly a few blogs I can think of that remain excellent reads with only the rare photo making an appearance, the majority of the blogs I enjoy show me regular glimpses of the blogger's life, including the writer herself.  Recently I've found myself thinking, "Which posts will my daughter most enjoy reading someday?  Which will give her a full picture of what our life was like?  Which will Nathan and I enjoy browsing years from now?"

{If you've read my Why I Blog page, then you know that this is, in part, all about Nathan and me being able to remember our little life, such as it is.}

What do you think?  Are you more drawn to read blogs where the blogger is seen frequently in photos, or more 'behind-the-scenes'?

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I found myself surprisingly moved -- if not to tears, then to glassy eyes, shall we say -- by this post from Shaye at The Elliott Homestead: Uphill. All the way.  I suppose any blog post quoting a Christina Rossetti poem has to be a good one!

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If you weren't following along with Auntie Leila's series on Pope Pius XI's encyclical Casti Connubii (Chaste Marriage), it's not too late to go read all her posts now.  The last post (and possibly my favorite) in the series is up: What we do "in here."  From there, you can find links to the earlier posts, as well as the encyclical itself.  But even if you don't have time to read the encyclical, Leila's posts will edify and inspire you!

"If you can love the hidden and resist the lure of the oversized and loud and lucrative claim to fame, you will have the privilege to know how it can be that one woman, one family, one home -- yours -- can change and build and restore."

So quickly, go read all her posts in this wonderful series!

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Have a wonderful Friday, friends -- whether yours is sunny and warm or a bit overcast like ours is here in Massachusetts.

changes

I've designed a new blog header, and changed my layout and look here at being sarah marie.  I'll probably still be making a few changes over the next few days, but in the meantime, I'm having fun with the process.  Extremely limited knowledge of html/css?  Check!  Child-like abilities with Photoshop?  Check!  What more could I need?

When I first started blogging - almost ten years ago! - Blogger didn't have as many options as it does now.  There were two or three blog templates to choose from, and any customizations whatsoever you had to do in html.  It was fun for me, and I learned a lot and did a lot of Google searches for tutorials on things I couldn't figure out on my own.

My Dad always says, "A good engineer is a lazy engineer," and while I'm no engineer, I think the saying applies in this situation.  I decided to finally ditch the template I had customized over the years and switch over to a Blogger template, where it's now extremely easy to customize text colors, fonts, margin widths, sidebars, etc.  Almost no html knowledge required!

I've added tabs at the top including an About Me section (Too many pictures?  Probably.  Too long?  Definitely.  But what else would you expect from me?), and a few brief thoughts on Why I Blog.  Both are works in progress, but check it out and tell me what you think.

What are your favorite features to see in a well-designed blog?  What are some of your least favorite blog layouts or designs?