Of Walls, Paint, and Tears

The house projects continue to be rewarding and sometimes even fun, but the truth is, sometimes they feel like black holes of time, money, energy, and work. They are sucking every minute of our lives away this summer, and occasionally it gets discouraging.

Yesterday I was working on what will be the TV room at our new house. The walls were painted dark, dark brown, and were covered in thick texturing. Ugh. I spent portions of two days sanding the walls with an electric hand sander; they won't be perfectly smooth, but the biggest ridges and bumps of texture are gone. However, some sections of the wall, beneath that dark brown paint, were crumbling away. In fact, perhaps the paint was holding the room together and we just didn't know it. Chunks of mortar were falling in on me from the exterior walls of that room, sometimes exposing the brick behind it. And I knew that if I smoothed those sections over with plaster and then spackle, then their smoothness wouldn't match the slight texturing that was going to be left everywhere else. But getting every wall perfectly smooth is just way too big a project for right now. So I didn't know how to fix everything. I felt discouraged.

I may have even felt sorry for myself for a little while. (I know, poor me, I have two houses.)

I may have even shed a tear.

I must have been a sight to behold, wearing a gas mask and goggles and ear protection as I sanded those walls, covered in plaster dust from head to toe, with tears welling up in my eyes.

You see, I just want to wake up one morning and not have my arms ache from carrying boxes and sanding walls. I want to not have my hands cramp and ache from holding paintbrushes all day, every day. Then, I want to get up and put on something nice to wear, and put on some makeup, and wear my hair down instead of throwing on my paint-covered jeans and a t-shirt and putting my hair in a ponytail. I want to paint my toenails and wear a dress. And I want my house to be organized. I want to not trip over boxes and stub my toe five times a day.

I want to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm so, so tired.

But I pulled myself together and things are moving forward. I'll get those walls finished and painted... I will!