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Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Sad

I think I'm having a difficult week.

I've have a sinus infection and an ear infection so painful sometimes I think putting an ice pick in one ear and out the other to relieve the pressure sounds like a genuinely good idea. Sometimes my left ear hears pitches 1/2 step lower than the true pitches I hear in my right ear - and not only on the fundamental, but also on all the overtones. It's a dissonant world. Other times I put medicinal drops in my left ear and it becomes numb. Then I hear a roaring ocean and a high-pitched, shrill ringing sound. The entire experience is generally unpleasant.

More importantly, my Grandpa passed away yesterday.

Was it yesterday? My concept of time is distorted this week. Everything is happening so fast, and so slowly.

I said more about my ear infection and less about my Grandpa, but that is not in any way because I consider the silly ear infection more significant. I don't know what to say. I can almost feel the cool backyard patio of Grandma and Grandpa's Southern California home beneath my bare feet. Was it twenty years ago that I ran across that patio into Grandpa's hug, when he wrapped his arms around me and said, "Hi, doll"?

Was it only two weeks ago that FavoriteBoy and I visited California and said goodbye to him, knowing it would be for the last time? He stood up from his chair, smiled for a picture - the last of him and me together - and hugged me goodbye. I turned to go - went halfway to the door, in fact - and then darted back for another hug before he sat. I think he saw my eyes fill with tears.

No tears where he is now.

I am directing a string ensemble at a music camp all week. It's nice to be busy.

2 comments:

  1. I'm sorry, Sarah. :( I hope you feel better soon...and I'm glad that you can have the comfort of knowing your grandpa is where tears of sadness do not exist.

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  2. Heidi3:43 PM

    Hi Sarah. Sadness fills my heart for you right now. My Grandpa married me and it was hard to say goodbye to him as well. Hey, be careful of the ear infection. I was actually teaching in Ipswich when a doctor misdiagnosed an ear infection when it was really swimmers ear. I was also hearing things 1/2 step off...I remember because the HS jazz band came to Winthrop for an assembly that week and I had to step out. Have you been in any pools in the last two weeks?

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