Sad

I think I'm having a difficult week.

I've have a sinus infection and an ear infection so painful sometimes I think putting an ice pick in one ear and out the other to relieve the pressure sounds like a genuinely good idea. Sometimes my left ear hears pitches 1/2 step lower than the true pitches I hear in my right ear - and not only on the fundamental, but also on all the overtones. It's a dissonant world. Other times I put medicinal drops in my left ear and it becomes numb. Then I hear a roaring ocean and a high-pitched, shrill ringing sound. The entire experience is generally unpleasant.

More importantly, my Grandpa passed away yesterday.

Was it yesterday? My concept of time is distorted this week. Everything is happening so fast, and so slowly.

I said more about my ear infection and less about my Grandpa, but that is not in any way because I consider the silly ear infection more significant. I don't know what to say. I can almost feel the cool backyard patio of Grandma and Grandpa's Southern California home beneath my bare feet. Was it twenty years ago that I ran across that patio into Grandpa's hug, when he wrapped his arms around me and said, "Hi, doll"?

Was it only two weeks ago that FavoriteBoy and I visited California and said goodbye to him, knowing it would be for the last time? He stood up from his chair, smiled for a picture - the last of him and me together - and hugged me goodbye. I turned to go - went halfway to the door, in fact - and then darted back for another hug before he sat. I think he saw my eyes fill with tears.

No tears where he is now.

I am directing a string ensemble at a music camp all week. It's nice to be busy.