being sarah marie

I've almost completed my undergraduate education - all five years of it. For the final three months remaining, however, I must continue to deal with what may be the most frustrating phone answering system in the history of the modern world. Something is very wrong with my college phone system. Not only that, but it's been wrong for the last three years, and shows no sign of future improvement.

Every time I check my messages, I must enter a minimum of 10 digits before I can listen to any potential messages I may have. Quite often, the central answering system informs me that yes, I do have new messages! I listen with anticipation... only to discover that once again, my 'messages' are fakes.

Most of the messages that are delivered to my phone consist of several minutes of hold music. I can't figure it out. No one can, really. There must be either a proverbial, metaphorical, or literal wire crossed somewhere in the system. It's the college hold music - the very same oboe adagios that my mother suffers through when she calls to ask a question about the semester tuition bill. Somehow, it keeps ending up on my phone messages. After the music has played for a sufficient length of time to raise my blood pressure to truly unhealthy levels, the message concludes with - you won't believe it - my own room's answering machine message. "Hi, you've reached Sarah and Cara; please leave a message." I'm sorry to say it, but the sound of my dear roommate's voice is starting to get on my nerves... at least in that context. A few beeps, a long pause, another beep, and finally: "End of message. To erase this message, press 7. To save it in the archives, press 9..."

And you see, dear reader, that is the worst of it.

You have to listen to the entire message before you can delete it.


P.S. I've been noticing the website EverydayHogwash.com, and I'm thinking of submitting this post. If the judges over there like it at all, there might be an opportunity for you, my faithful readers, to vote for me. I'll keep you informed.