being sarah marie

Well, I made it through my last jury ever. Next semester I won't have a jury (because I'll have my senior recital), and then after that I'll be graduated. Weird. My jury didn't go as well as I had hoped, but all things considered it was okay. I opened with the first movement of Mendelssohn's Sonata in F Major, which I chose because it's easier than the Tchaikovsky Concerto, even though I've been working my butt off on the Tchaikovsky all semester and only started the Mendelssohn a few weeks ago. I was 100% positive that they'd ask to hear the Tchaikovsky next, and I was prepared to play the exposition, and I think it could have gone pretty well! But... Dr. Rox asked for the Vaughan Williams! I was so surprised. I played that piece as a solo on tour this fall (three consecutive performance), and I've played it in a general recital and in musicianship! You could have knocked me over with a feather... I was that surprised they picked that piece to hear. So I definitely had a dumb, dumb, dumb memory slip that never should have happened had I just been a bit more focused. But I recovered fine and hopefully my grades will be okay. I just wish my performance could have better reflected the work I've done this semester. All 225 hours of it. Yep... the fun thing about practice cards is being able to look and see how much you've really done, and that was my final number. I was kinda proud of myself, but next semester I want to do even more. Not just for the sake of the hours, obviously, but to improve, which I need to do a lot of.

In other news, I've been feeling really awful all day. This morning I had blood drawn at the health center so they can do some tests for me. Basically I've been living with a constant choking sensation for the past few weeks, and it's really unpleasant and kind of frightening. Today it's been bad enough that it's very hard to keep myself from panicking. The doctor said it might be a problem with my thyroid; thus the blood test. I also spoke with him about my constant headaches, and he wrote me a prescription for special migraine medication. Even though my headaches don't fit the classic migraine description, he said that they might very well be a type of migraine, and that even if the medicine doesn't help at all, then at least we'll be able to rule out that option and go from there. Ironically, after seeing the doctor today, this afternoon after my jury I got hit with one of the worst headaches I've had all semester. My eyes hurt, my head behind my eyes was pounding, the back of my head and down my neck was in severe pain, any light or noise whatsoever made me want to scream, and I couldn't even find a comfortable position in my bed that helped alleviate my neck pain. I also felt nauseous, and to make matters worse, the choking sensation I have gets noticeably worse and more scary when I'm lying down. And all I wanted to do was cry and cry because I was so miserable, but I could only imagine that crying would make my headache worse, and a lump in my throat would also make my choking worse, so I didn't want to let myself start that at all. Sooo... it's been a pretty awful day, and while my headache has lessened to a dull throbbing ache, I still feel as if someone has slipped a tight rubber band around my neck and been gradually tightening it over the past week or so.