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Tuesday, July 26, 2005

I have a hundred thoughts swimming about in my head, but no time to expound upon them at present.

I have just ordered a collection of essays on C.S. Lewis on CD from Mars Hill.

I am leaving tomorrow to go camping with my family and several other homeschooling families from my Mom's co-op, TLC. I hope to have copious amounts of time there to sit and read, maybe write in a journal (real live paper - how wonderfully old-fashioned!), and process some thoughts. However, it is quite likely that I will be surrounded by small children, a fact which may well do much to interfere with my sincere intentions to spend time with books. However, as we all know, children are utterly delightful, and well-behaved children are seldom an annoyance. During last year's camping trip I was surrounded by children (and not all of them well-behaved in the least!); I chose to consider it a blessing and an opportunity rather than an unpaid babysitting job.

With regards to the myriad thoughts and feelings flying about in my mind and soul right now, suffice it to say for the moment that I wish I had far more time for reading, I wish I spent more of the time I do have in worthwhile pursuits, I wish I were far better educated than I am, I wish I loved God more truly and thus followed His commandments more closely, I wish I led a life of more intellectual and academic rigour, and I wish I lived a life of more passionate faith. I wish I loved more truly, trusted more fully, followed more meekly, obeyed more cheerfully, and lived more passionately. I wish I carried that banner of unspeakable beauty - our banner of faith in Christ - in a manner more worthy of my Saviour. I wish the moments of wonder, amazement, and love - of the overwhelming sort that leaves one almost choked with tears - carried themselves over to a life lived differently.

Wishing isn't enough, but I suppose that desiring earnestly is a true and humble place to start. And there is abounding grace.

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